No one ever saw the pain inside me

Compassion, empathy, warmth and genuine concern exuded from every aspect of the journey.

Sexually abused as a child, narcissistic father whose life ended in suicide, relationships that were either toxic or ended due to my sabotaging behavior; therapy finally started in my 40's. I went for a while. It wasn't enough to heal but it was enough to start me on a path to seek more. I read, listened to podcasts, saw more therapists, had some success with EMDR, but I needed more. Alcohol would numb things but the pain was still there. I knew my codependent nature and need for acceptance and attention was deeply rooted in my past. The rest of the world saw me as the ever optimistic happy person who would do anything for anyone. My dedication to Search and Rescue; taking on any and every assignment and joining numerous teams to keep busy and do even more became my calling. But I needed to rescue myself. Some of the missions were so painful and so lonely, but no one ever saw the pain inside me. Then the conversation happened. I shared some of my despair with one of the SIREN founders and learned of an upcoming retreat to experience plant medicine first hand. From the first phone call with Andrea I knew this was it. Compassion, empathy, warmth and genuine concern exuded from every aspect of the journey. The healer, the shaman, the coach, the musician, the medicine, the traditions; all integral, pure and healing. The experience allowed ME to work on me. To finally close chapters, open doors, forgive others, love myself, engage in things for the right reasons and walk away from things that no longer served me. I am forever grateful for the gift, for the freedom and for my new family.