I was no longer proud to call myself a firefighter.

I am very thankful for S.I.R.E.N.

I have been in the fire service for 30 years and when I reached about my 20th year I began to start having issues.  These things start small and usually start with resentment towards the job, sadness, lack of sleep, bad dreams, etc.  I was no longer proud to call myself a firefighter.  My career was extremely successful and I had achieved some  incredible professional accomplishments, but I hated the job and what it had done to my mental health.  Once I realized that I needed to do something, I started with an amazing therapist who specialized in EMDR and it did help to "clear out" some of those haunting emergency responses.  What I didn't expect was what future traumatic events would do to me and it was horrific.  I rushed back to EMDR, but this time it didn't help.  Next I was placed into a full-time "PTSD" program for eight weeks M-F and that didn't help much either.  My desperation was apparent to those closest to me and one close friend referred me to the S.I.R.E.N Project.  I was very hesitant to attend, but was encouraged by my family.  In January I attended the third retreat and I left feeling better than I had felt for the last 10 years.  I found personal clarity, I found professional direction and I found happiness all of which I desperately needed.  For those of you who are reading this and are trying to find help for your PTSD, but are scared, it is ok.  I was terrified, but honestly once I sent that interest email through the website and began the process my life instantly started getting better.  I am very thankful for S.I.R.E.N and hope you too find your way to healing through the medicine.  Additionally, if you are a person in public safety leadership and are reading this....  Have the courage to support your people who need this help because this medicine is saving lives.